Malaysia will soon get two giant pandas. Will there be giant earnings?

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WHO says Malaysian businesses lack entrepreneurial drive and ideas? A document made available to StarBizWeek is a perfect example of how nimble and creative corporate Malaysia can be when presented with opportunities.

First, a bit of background. On Monday, the Natural Resources and Environment Ministry announced that China will send a pair of giant panda cubs to Malaysia on loan for 10 years.

This is to mark the fourth decade of diplomatic ties between the two countries. The agreement for the loan was signed yesterday by the Malaysia's Wildlife and National Parks Department and the China Wildlife Conservation Association. The animals will be housed at the Wetlands Park in Putrajaya.

This news has received quite a bit of attention. The pandas are rare and adorable, and it's not at all often that they can be seen outside China. The Putrajaya pandas are bound to generate lots of excitement and interest.

At least one businessman, the controlling shareholder and head of a listed company, thinks this can be translated into revenue. This man (his identity can't be revealed) immediately instructed one of his lieutenants to study various options to profit from the pandas. Below is the executive's note to his boss:

Memo to the CEO

Dear Tan Sri (name withheld),

When you called me at 3am this morning to ask that I come up with proposals for the Panda Project, I knew next to nothing about the animal. In fact, at that point, I still held on to what I had learnt from a wildlife documentary I had watched as a child that despite being also known as panda bears, these creatures are closer to raccoons than to bears.

However, Wikipedia tells me that molecular studies suggest that the giant panda is indeed a true bear. So much for the educational value of documentaries.

Back to the Panda Project and your phone call. You were absolutely clear in your conviction that we can make a respectable amount of money by leveraging on people's fondness for pandas.

And your passion in this matter is infectious. After our conversation, I spent the next eight hours doing nothing but reading, thinking and formulating plans about pandas. Let me share the early results with you.

Start with a name

We need to park our panda-related businesses under a holding company. The name is important. It should be meaningful yet catchy. You may have your own suggestions, Tan Sri, but how about Pander to Panda Sdn Bhd? That's my favourite. Others that I've come up with are Bear With Us Sdn Bhd, Panda Jaya Sdn Bhd, Panda Pandai Sdn Bhd, and Panda Power Sdn Bhd.

Securing a franchise

Ten years is rather short in the Malaysian context, but we definitely should look into getting a concession on all licensing rights related to the panda cubs in the time they are in Malaysia. Exclusivity in the use of intellectual property is key in ensuring that we can develop a mini panda industry. The merchandising possibilities are endless. We can slap images of the pandas on virtually anything.

We can also work with anybody who's interested in capitalising on the appeal of the animals. And it doesn't have to be just books, TV shows, movies, product endorsements and co-branding deals. In essence, we get a cut of every ringgit spent on panda-linked goods and services.

By the way, if anybody wants to set up a panda theme park, I'll claim credit if it's named (wait for it) Panda-monium Park. I'm not much of a wordsmith, Tan Sri, but I think that has a nice ring to it.

Regional hub

I think Malaysia has the potential to become a regional centre of excellence for panda knowledge, never mind that pandas are only naturally found in parts of China. We just need to invest ourselves wholeheartedly in this. There are many things we can do to position the country as THE place to go if anybody wants to learn about pandas.

For example, we should encourage entrepreneurs to cultivate bamboo, the primary component of the panda diet. That will help support the growth of the centre of excellence. After all, according to WWF China, giant pandas eat a daily average of 19kg of fresh bamboo leaves.

I'm also intrigued by the idea of China sending pandas to other countries on loan. When you mention loans, I automatically think of banks. I know you don't pay me to be fanciful, Tan Sri, but aren't there fat margins to be reaped in the lending business? They who lend to others hold the power.

Which brings me to the central scheme of breeding pandas in Malaysia. These animals are notoriously poor breeders in captivity. I again turn to WWF China for some wisdom on this subject. It says it is difficult for pandas in zoos and parks to reproduce because they don't adapt well to the presence of humans.

I don't know how you interpret that, Tan Sri, but to me, it just means that we have to give the pandas some privacy to get on with their sex lives. That shouldn't be difficult, should it?

Yours beary' enthusiastically,
(name withheld)

Executive editor Errol Oh says if you believe the memo is real, he has a red-and-blue panda he can sell you at a good discount.